How to Wake Up Ron Weasley
by QueenoftheMad
Summary: History of Magic Owl-Ron has some problems...*Updated 3rd Chapter!*
1. Asleep! Tsk Tsk

Author: QueeoftheMad  
  
Genre: Humour/Romance  
  
Disclaimer: Nothing is mine!!! NOTHING!!! *Weeps*  
  
Summary: Short and sweet ficlet, with lashings of fluff.  
  
AN: I'm actually British, so If you don't understand the lingo, ignore it.  
  
How to Wake Up Ron Weasley  
  
I Know Ron's looking at me. I just Know it. Of course, I also Know why. That bloody git wants answers off me. Hmph. I shall not submit to his worthless groveling. I told him to study. I -told- him. But no-he wants to play -Quidditch-. With -Harry-. I give him my snootiest look and turn away to face my already completed History of Magic test booklet. I smooth down invisible creases and rub out imaginary pencil lines. Taptaptaptaptaptaptap. What was that? I turn around. It's Ron again. He is incessantly tapping his feet against the test table in a highly annoying fashion. He notices me staring at him. He's grinning. And doing puppy eyes. Awww, he looks so cute when he does that. No. I will not succumb. These are OWLs. I will -not- cheat in the OWLs. Ugh-he's screwing up his face now.  
"Herm-own-ninny!" he whispers, "Help me!" He is waving his arms around in a highly inappropriate fashion and leaning in his chair. Leaning a lot in his chair.  
"Ron!" I hiss. But it is too late. CLANK. He's now in a heap on the ground, his violently luminous red hair poking out from behind a bookcase. Tut tut. I can hear Seamus and Dean sniggering from behind their booklets, and there's Harry, in silent hysterics, -he-hasn't asked me for answers. Oh no oh no oh no.Professor Binns has spotted Ron. Eek. I duck my head in shame and eavesdrop.  
"Mr. Weavel, I clearly remember telling you to complete this test." (at this point he pointed vigorously with his transparent hand at the test paper. "I do not, however, remember telling you to fool around on your chair and fall like a nincompoop!" the class bursts into giggles at the word 'nincompoop'. Ron looks sheepishly up at the Professor, and with red- tipped ears, mumbles a 'sorry'.  
I look back at my test and for the fifteenth time, start checking it over. I am lost in the realms of studiousness until a large snore erupted from behind me. It was Ron-again. SNORE. Tsk tsk Mr. Weasely. Shame on you. I think about waking him up, but as its Ron, that is extremely impossible. I settle for frowning at him with what he calls my 'McGonagall face.' I am jolted out of my seat by yet another -SNORE. Ah, Gods, there is the bell. The test papers float purposefully over to Binns' desk and settle themselves down comfortably next to a mouldy biscuit. SNORE. Is he -still- asleep? The class gathers there things to go and I walk towards Harry. He grins and points at Ron.  
"Shall we wake him up or what?" I shake my head.  
"Its Ron, Harry, You-Know-Who will have a successful career in flower arranging before we can wake him up." Harry nods his head in agreement and we set off in the corridor. We are halfway down the charms corridor and midway in a heated discussion about what we would do to Malfoy if we were a teacher before I realized I had left my favourite eagle feather quill in the History of Magic classroom.  
"You want me to come and get it with you?" asks Harry. I decline. I am still clouded with shame in my complete lack of organization. If he comes back with me, he might even-oh Lords no-see the HG is scribbled onto the desk! I jog hurriedly back down the corridor and walk into the classroom to see Ron, still snoozing happily, with his spiky red hair crumpled against the table, and his pink-tinged ears resting against the table-top. His long fingers are scruched up tightly on a sheet of paper. His mouth is soft and- NO. I REFUSE TO BELIEVE I SAID THOSE THINGS. RON IS A FRIEND. THE LAST THOUGHT WAS A RESULT OF BORED HORMONES.  
Still, I cant help but walk gently closer, being careful as to not step on anything to wake him up. I bend down next to him until he is face to face with me. Hm. How strange. I have never noticed his eyelashes before. They're gold. And right now, quivering softly. His skin is creamy and the freckles along the bridge of his nose just brush his cheeks. Before I know what I am doing, my lips have found their way onto his left cheek. AAAAAAA!!! WHAT IN MERLIN'S NAME AM I DOING!!! But its so soft-YOU. ARE. KISSING. YOUR. BEST. FRIEND!!! Ron smiles sleepily. Hm.he smells like Sherpard's Pie. I love Sherpards-STOP-STOP-STOP!!! Ron stirs and I jump backwards.  
"Mumblemumble.ferret.greasy ferret.MUM! Malferret is eating the gnomes!" Heehee. I giggle inwardly. Gnomes-Malfoy. His eyes flutter open and stare at me blurrily. "'Mione-what you doing? Where's Binns?" Tut tut.  
"The test is -over- Ron. You fell asleep, and I just came back to get my quill." He scrunches his face up in confusion and evidently seaches his memory.  
"Did you just.was I just.you never."  
"What, Ron?" I ask innocently.  
"Never mind." He looks rather red now. "I must have been dreaming." He stands up and we walk, side by side, to the door. I stop suddenly, and smile in realization.  
"At least one thing was gained from this stupid History of Magic exam." Ron frowns.  
"What?" I carry on walking.  
"Well," I say. "I now know a sure fire way to wake you up." 


	2. Does that sheet taste nice?

Author: QueeoftheMad  
  
Genre: Humour/Romance  
  
Disclaimer: Nothing is mine!!! NOTHING!!! *Weeps*  
  
Summary: Extended short and sweet ficlet, with lashings of fluff.  
  
AN: I'm actually British, so If you don't understand the lingo, ignore it. Oh, and you BETTER REVIEW!!! If you notice weird Chinese sqiggly things, right click on the page, and then go to language and western.  
  
How to Wake up Ron Weasley  
  
Ron's POV  
  
Why can't I get to sleep? I have been lying here for the past five hours, with nothing to do but nibble on the (lemon scented) sheets and pick my nose. I have assembled a (quite nicely made, if I say so myself) Quidditch pitch purely with the substance. I wonder what Hermione would say. I look quickly around the circular room. There's Harry. He's evidently got no trouble sleeping. Lucky git. And there's Neville. You know, I think, that when I get up, the first thing I'll do is get him some of Galileo's Anti- Snoring Potion, I'm sure it's at least partly his fault that I am in this predicament. I wonder if Hermione knows how to make it. I am so -bored-. I never used to have this problem, you know. Just this morning, in fact, I dozed off right in the middle of the HoM exam, and that old stuff pot Binns didn't even notice. Well, I suppose he gets a lot of it, you know, being him. I sight very loudly and look expectantly at the Harry. Peanuts. Still asleep. Maybe I should go wake up Fred and George. Or maybe, I should just force feed them their own products. At least then they'll know what its like to suddenly start defecating yourself or spouting ketchup from your nostrils. Actually, I better not. If Hermione found out I had been doing that, I would be dead for sure. I wonder what Hermione would do if she couldn't get to sleep. Probably study. Or read. Or read while studying. I snigger. Oh well, might as well copy Hermione's potions essay that I nicked from her at dinner. I grab my things and tiptoe down to the common room.  
  
Hermione's POV.  
  
I need to sleep. I have transfiguration OWL tomorrow and I need to sleep. Don't panic. Do Not Panic. What is -wrong- with me? If I don't get some sleep, my mark will suffer greatly! I might even (oh please no) have less than full marks. Oh blast it. If I can't sleep, I'll study. I softly creep out of bed and grab my transfiguration notes. I have trouble with them as they are the weight of a small elephant. I lug them downstairs and descend to the common room.  
  
Ron's POV  
  
"The Scalirus potion was concocted for the first time by warlock Hubert Worrysniggle on his birthday on the sixth of-" Hm? What was that noise. Sounds like something is being hauled down the stairs. Something heavy. A body? My right hand subconsciously travels to my wand and I try to look intimidating in my stripy blue pajamas. Wait a second. I recognize those slippers! Hermione.I glance hurriedly at the half copied essay and Hermione's neat script right beside it. She had been complaining about it since after dinner. I am dead if she finds out.  
"Mobiliarbus" The incriminating parchements float behind the sofa. I quickly shut my eyes and feign a snore.  
  
Hermione's POV  
  
It's Ron. Again. Will he ever learn? Hm- this seems familiar. I blush, thinking of earlier today, when the devil possessed me to kiss him. Well at least he was asleep. Do you remember, a voice in my head asks, how nice it felt? I scowl at it, and stride over with full intention of waking him up. You want to do it again, the voice persists. He wont mind, continues the voice. He was smiling then. I shake my head and hope sincerely I am not becoming schizophrenic. Go on, urges the voice, it's just a friendly kiss. I have to admit, I am slightly curious. I bend down to inspect his cheek for cleanliness and-  
  
Ron's POV  
  
This is easy. I am trying very hard to keep the smug smile off my face. I could be an Unspeakable, my Powers of Fooling People are so good. I can hear her walking over now, no doubt to poke me in the arm. If she does, I'll snort, grumble and eventually stand up blearily. Sigh. Why is it taking so long? I can feel her bend over now. Wait a second, what is she-  
  
Was that a cliffie?  
  
Penmaster0001: Thank you!!!! I LOVE reviews like that! Ron-Is-Mine: Thanks, and can Ron by mine too? Culf: Cheers matey! CapriceAnn Hedican-Cocur: You thought it was cute? Yay! Straycat: Thanks for the advice, is this chap better? Caprigrrrl Lannoire: ;-) Lela Potter: thanks! Legends of Wind and Time: Thanks, and great story! 


	3. Stupidity at its Peak

Author: QueeoftheMad  
  
Genre: Humour/Romance  
  
Disclaimer: Nothing is mine!!! NOTHING!!! *Weeps*  
  
Summary: Extended short and sweet ficlet, with lashings of fluff.  
  
AN: I'm actually British, so If you don't understand the lingo, ignore it. Oh, and you BETTER REVIEW!!! If you notice weird Chinese sqiggly things, right click on the page, and then go to language and western.  
  
Previous Chapter This is easy. I am trying very hard to keep the smug smile off my face. I could be an Unspeakable, my Powers of Fooling People are so good. I can hear her walking over now, no doubt to poke me in the arm. If she does, I'll snort, grumble and eventually stand up blearily. Sigh. Why is it taking so long? I can feel her bend over now. Wait a second, what is she- ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------------ Chapter 3  
  
Wait a second. Is she-no way-is she kissing me? Either that or something very warm and nice and soft and Hermione-smelling has found its way onto my cheek. Ah well, its not doing any harm- -EXCUSE me? No HARM? You THICK boy. This is HERMIONE. You are FRIENDS. Oh yeah. Hey, wait a second. Why's Hermione kissing me anyway? Thought she was all into that Krum character. Hey, why does this feel so famili-History of Magic. So she WAS kissing me. Sneaky little liar. I'll show her. I open my eyes as suddenly as I can and stare at her in a creepy, vampire sort of way. Hermione jumps backwards and screams. Hehehe. Mission accomplished.  
"Ron.I was just.I." Stammering now are you my dear? I smile and walk slowly in her direction. "Hermione! What are you doing down here? A spot of STUDYING perhaps? Though I have trouble reasoning why MY CHEEK is so FACINATING." Hermione's mouth moves a little, making her look distinctly fish-like, but regains her composure in a second. "I was simply noticing you were asleep, so I went to cover you in a blanket. Nothing wrong with that, is there?" I scowl. So she's playing it that way then. "You were NOT covering me with a blanket, Hermione. The only thing you were covering was my CHEEK with your LIPS. You were KISSING me Hermione, just like in History of Magic." Hermione blushes fractionally, but doesn't hide it well enough to not let me know I am right. "KISSING YOU? Don't be ridiculous. I find that one of your most irritating problems is the way you constantly mix up your DELUDED DREAMS with reality. I never KISSED you Ron, and I seems strange to me why you would dream that anyway. Why would I want to kiss you?" Peanuts. She's quite a good bluffer anyway. What do you say to an outright denial? I can't just STAND here. That would mean losing the argument. I swore to myself in first year that I would NEVER lose an argument with Hermione. Granted, over the years this rule has been, erm, broken, but this argument is mine by right! So what do I do then, eh? How do I PROVE to my FRIEND that she wanted and did, kiss me? Well, the only thing I could do. I kissed her back.  
  
Hermione's POV  
  
Damn. This is infuriating. Not to mention embarrassing. He caught me kissing him. Ron caught me KISSING him. And now that he's confronted me about it, what do I do? I bloody straight out DENY it. Nope, no reasoning, or anything else, I just DENY it. "KISSING YOU? Don't be ridiculous. I find that one of your most irritating problems is the way you constantly mix up your DELUDED DREAMS with reality. I never KISSED you Ron, and I seems strange to me why you would dream that anyway. Why would I want to kiss you?" Ha. That's shut him up. Uh oh, I recognize his face, he's going to do something REALLY mad-  
  
Ron's POV  
  
This is really quite nice. Her lips are nice and soft and-I DON'T KNOW WHAT IN THE DEVIL POSSESSED ME TO DO THIS. She's not a bad kisser, actually, considering the fact that I should be disgusted that I'm kissing my friend, and everything. Do you think I'm the first person she's kissed? What about Viktor Krum? They probably-YUCK. That's disgusting. I pull back. Hermione's eyes are roughly the size and shape of tennis balls and the fact that she is lightly swaying backwards and forwards reminds me even more of Dobby- -PEANUTS. WHAT IN HELL HAVE I DONE?! I JUST INITIATED A KISS ON MY BEST FEMALE FRIEND. Hermione still looks lost and hesitantly raises a hand to touch her lips. Her eyes don't look like tennis balls anymore. They look angry. Furious. Her mouth opens to let what I am sure are an army of fuming insults. "RON WEASLEY WHAT IN THE WORLD DO YOU THINK YOU'RE-" I do the first thing that comes to mind, and even if it is a bit mental, you have to praise me for my quick thinking. I pull out my wand from my pajama pocket.  
"OBLIVIATE!"  
  
Wow, another cliffie, I am getting gooood at this. Now what are you waiting for?! REVIEW!!!  
  
Thanks to: Straycat: Sorry, but I LOVE cliffies! SoAntigone: Hehe, witness my evil cliffieness Andieemail: Sorry about the crammedness, is this chappie better? Ron-Is-Mine: Cant I just have a liiiittle bit of Ron? Lela Potter: Yay! ( CapriceAnn Hedican-Cocur: Sorry dear, and I'll let you know that I am planning a DM/HG. Oooooooo. 


	4. THE MYSTERIOUSLY UNNAMED CHAPTER

Author: QueeoftheMad  
  
Genre: Humour/Romance  
  
Disclaimer: Nothing is mine!!! NOTHING!!! *Weeps*  
  
Summary: Fluffy fic with random plotlines.  
  
AN: I'm actually British, so If you don't understand the lingo, ignore it. Oh, and you BETTER REVIEW!!! If you notice weird Chinese sqiggly things, right click on the page, and then go to language and western.  
  
Previous Chapter -PEANUTS. WHAT IN HELL HAVE I DONE?! I JUST INITIATED A KISS ON MY BEST FEMALE FRIEND. Hermione still looks lost and hesitantly raises a hand to touch her lips. Her eyes don't look like tennis balls anymore. They look angry. Furious. Her mouth opens to let what I am sure are an army of fuming insults. "RON WEASLEY WHAT IN THE WORLD DO YOU THINK YOU'RE-" I do the first thing that comes to mind, and even if it is a bit mental, you have to praise me for my quick thinking. I pull out my wand from my pajama pocket.  
"OBLIVIATE!"  
  
Chapter 4  
  
Oh Peanuts. Peanuts peanuts peanuts. What have you done Ron, you stupid plonker? Quick, better hide the wand in case the spell didn't work. Oh, her eyes are opening now. They are kind of unfocused and blurry.  
"Ron-what am I doing here? Is it time for lunch yet? Why aren't we at Harry's Quidditch match? Why are you in your pajamas? Oooh, look! I'm in my pajamas too!"  
Yep, it worked all right. But what am I going to do about Hermione? She's giggling like a mad woman as I speak. I shake my head. That girl is insane. Well actually, I made her insane. I walk forward and try to steer her in the direction of her dormitory. I can tell her some of the truth, at least.  
"The Quidditch match is over, 'Moine, Harry won but you were knocked out by a bludger trying to curse Professor Trelawney. You've been out for the past few hours on the sofa."  
She's screwing up her nose in an effort to remember. I cross my fingers behind my back. Uh oh, she looks angry.  
"That stupid woman. It's not a bad thing that you can't see death omens in a lump of soggy leaves. In fact, it's a sure sign you're not mental! I was right trying to curse her, you know, she was speaking ill of me to Professor McGonagall."  
Phew, close one.  
"Yeah, she's a right old fraud." I agree. "You were right to quit Divination. Me an' Harry have been trying, but I think she likes him, y'know, so she has someone's death to predict all the time."  
We're at the top of the stairs now, right in front of her dormitory. "Well, I'll leave you to get some sleep then, good night 'Mione." She smiles at me.  
"It was really nice of you to wait with me until I woke up."  
"Huh?" Oh yeah, the whole knocked out thing. "Yeah, no problem."  
"Night Ron." She goes on her tiptoes to kiss me on her cheek. Last thing I can think about as I stand here, outside her door, smiling, and touching my cheek, is simply, how ironic.  
  
Next Morning  
  
Harry's POV  
  
I think something's wrong with Ron. I think he might have got that weird curse that Professor Lupin told us about, that one with the Smoogles. Apparently, anyone who's got it becomes disorientated and dreamy until someone hits them over the head with four flobberworms stuck onto a stick. He does look quite sick, and keeps grinning for no apparent reason and touching his face. Maybe he's getting a heat rash. While we're on the subject, I think Hermione's ill as well. She keeps talking about "that stupid bludger" and being "unconscious" but I don't think she's ever been knocked out before, unless you count the basilisk attacks. I think Ron might have gone insane. I saw him go into the library this morning, and when he came back, he had this book in his hand that he was trying to disguise, but I could see the cover easily, and it was Obliviating Fate. I read the blurb when Ron was in the toilet and it was on about how long memory spells last for and how they sometimes change people's destiny. Maybe he's planning on cursing Malfoy. Well you'd think he's let me in on the plan, being his best mate and all. There's Fred and George, maybe they can tell me what's wrong with him. They've spotted me now. "HARRY!" They chorus together. "Party in the common room, someone's [and they wink suggestively at this point] managed to get a hold of Snape's pants and we've decided to set them on fire to use as a banner to celebrate our victory against Slytherin yesterday!" I wrinkle my nose in utter disgust.  
"Sorry, but I don't think I really fancy going into a room with Snape's underwear in it." George tuts disapprovingly as Fred explains.  
"Harry, Harry, Harry, don't you understand? We're burning them, you knobhead, not looking at them! It is a show of Gryffindor patriotism! Pride! And Courage! How can you neglect to see the significance of it?" He wipes away an imaginary tear. Now George joins in. "Come for Gryffindor, young Harry, you are our Hero, you were the one to defeat them, come, and have the supreme honour to cast the first lighting spell!" He makes it sound like accepting an Order of Merlin, first class. Oh well, might as well go, if only just to pay him back for the 5 points he deducted in potions today.  
"I shall do it." The twin's faces break out into identical grins. They slap me on the back so hard I nearly fall over.  
"Good man, Harry." They wink, and stride off. George calls over his shoulder. "Oh, and tell Ron and Hermione too, I bet they'd get a kick out of it."  
Easy for you to say George, though I don't think people with Smoogle's enjoy underwear burning very much. Sorry about the supreme crapness in that chapter. All I can say is SOMETHING IS GOING TO HAPPEN AT THE PARTY. I just don't know what yet. Crap. Thanks for all the reviews, everyone, I LOVE THEM. Kisses for all my reviewers: xxxxxxxxx You want a kiss too? Then please REVIEW! (I'll love you forever!) 


End file.
